Friday, April 12, 2013

Hot Chips and Sand 136-140 Draft Comparison


Hot Chips and Sand
Copyright © 2013 Mary Hughes
All rights reserved


The waiter zoomed back and slid a loaf of spicy‑smelling bread in front of each of them. 
Cliff ate all of his, then sat, eyes wistfully following Vickie’s second slice on its way to her mouth.  After a few minutes of puppy‑dog eyes, Vickie swallowed carefully. “Would you like some of mine, Cliff?”  She wasn’t really surprised to see the rest of her loaf disappear.  “How do you survive on l’haute cuisine?”?”

            “Only if you’re sure.”
“I’m sur—” She wasn’t really surprised to see the rest of her loaf disappear. “How do you survive on l’haute cuisine when you entertain clients?”
“I don’t.” “I don’t.”  He washed down the bread with a full glass of water. “I have a cook who raised seven sons.  She feeds me after I’ve been out, entertaining clients.”

            Vickie was incredulous.  “You mean, you’ll “You’re going to go home and eat after this?”[M1] 

            “No, of course not.  This is different.” .” He paused. grinned and pressed his fingers into the crumbs of bread on her plate, then licked his fingers. “There is, however, a chocolate cake in the refrigerator at my house, calling softly to me.”

            “Really?  Are you sure that’s not my brownie, singing from your stomach?”
            “I can see you’re going to be stubborn over this.”

            Vickie raised one eyebrow.  “I prefer ‘tenacious.’“tenacious’.”

            “Hmm.” Cliff seemed very intent on tapped his empty glass for a moment.  Then he thoughtfully, then picked up the pitcher and poured them both more water out of the pitcher.

            . As the ice cracked, he spoke carefully, not looking at her.  “Would you , he said, “Maybe you’d like to come over to my house after dinner, for a piece of Hannah’stry some.”
“Some what?”
“Chocolate cake. Hannah makes it with semisweet bakers chocolate cake?” and cream cheese and fresh eggs and, well, it’s really good.”
“You mean…you’re inviting me to your house?
“Yes.” He looked up then, eyes clear and intent.  “No strings attached, of course.”

            At Vickie’s sharp intake of breath[M2] , She shook her head. Impossible. He was impossible, it was impossible.
Cliff smiled ruefully.  “I don’t blame you, after the way I behaved the last time.”
“No, that’s not it.” Vickie flushed, feeling slightly guilty.
            It was the first time he had mentioned it since that day.  and now he was  Vickie flushed, feeling slightly guilty.  He was taking full blame for the incident, even though she had instigated it.  Her guilt prodded her.  “That’s not it at all, Cliff.  ? Sweet man… “I’d love to come.”

            His eyes were unreadable for a moment.  Then aA smile spread clear across his face, bringing back the clear light. to his eyes. “Thanks for.”
“For what?”
“For giving me another chance.”

            Another chance at what? she wondered, but he was already going on, making conversation.  [M3] “. So, which do you like better, coding or managing?”

            Vickie wondered at his sudden shift in topics, but answered as honestly as she could.  Without revealing too much, of course.  “Oh, I guess said, “I like them both. , I guess. I like working with your people a lot.”  Especially your CEO.

            That was about all she thought it was professional and proper to say, so she then attempted to shift the focus from herself.  “What about you?  Which do you like better?”

            “Oh, I guess “I like them both, too, I guess,” he said, mimicking her overly‑bright tone.  When she frowned at him, he said, ““Good grief, Vickie, I get more dope on the real you from John than I do from you.” . What’s the problem?” His eyes narrowed.  “What’s the problem?  “Are you afraid of me[M4] ?”

            The accuracy of that remarkThat stung her eyes open wide.  WasLucky guess, or was he really that sharp, or had it been a lucky guess? ? She fenced a little.  “You mean, am I afraid of you, just because you’re head ofyou own the company?”

            “Let’s not start that again.”

            He apparently didn’t want to play, and to be honest, she didn’t, either.  She changed her tone of voice.  [M5] “Well, golly, aside from the fact that you could squash me just by sittingmy boss thinks you walk on me, I don’t see why I’d be afraid of you.  Oh,water and that your influence probably could keep me from ever finding another job if I ever crossed you.  No, no, I can’t think of any reason to be afraid of you.”  Let’s not mention crushing my heart.

            “You forgot your brother.”
The flip rejoinder she’d been about to make stuck in her throat. Fortunately the waiter zoomed in with the pizza. He set the steaming hot pie between them, then whipped out a metal server and dug it under one precut slice[M6] .
Cliff smiled at the waiter, waved him off, and served the pizza himself.  The pizza came then, but she had to ask. 
As he slid a thick wedge on her plate she found her voice. “What has my brother got to do with it?”  She didn’t even bother asking how he knew she had a brother.

            Cliff smiled at the waiter, waved him off, and served the pizza himself.  “He’s at a rather expensive university, wouldn’t you say?”  He looked up, raisingraised an eyebrow at her.

            She was puzzled.  “Yes, but he’s got a generous scholarship that pays for most of…”  She trailed off as realization dawned.


            “Provided by the Hawkesclyffe Foundation.”  He turnedslid a wedge onto his attention back to the pizza while Vickie sat, stunned.  After a minute she said,own plate. “Mmm. Smells great.” He picked it up and bit off half the slice. “Tastes even better.”
Vickie watched him chew, trying to clear her head. “Did you do thatknow?” she said finally. “Did you give him the money on purpose?”, because you somehow knew who I was?” She winced when she realized how self-centered that sounded.

            “What,“You mean to hold it over you?” ? Other way around, actually.” He bit off half afinished the slice pizza. “I do screen all scholarship recipients.  Actually, that’s how I and found out about you.”  He took another huge bite.  “Although I admit I thought V. Johnston was a brother, until I met you.”

            “At the office?”

            “No, at the hotel.”

            She blushed, remembering it.  Then, remembering it, “I didn’t tell you my name then.”

            “Some people“People at the embassy mentioned V.a person named Johnston had been kidnapped, and since I would be in town, would I please look out for Mr. Johnston.  Apparently I wasn’t the only one confused on that point.  Then I saw you, and the matter was cleared up immediately. Definitely female.”

            His eyes met and held hers, his mouth crooked up on one side in a very sexy smile, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe.  Then, as if remembering something, sheShe looked away.  “I was very“I’m glad you were there.  I don’t think I could have escaped, otherwise.”

            “You didn’t seem glad at the time.”

            They“There were…other factors.” Sexy, high-handed, half-naked factors. “So about that subroutine.”
“You mean the one you sneakily commented?”
“Hardly. The variables were clearly and beautifully named, anyway.” And they were back on safe ground again.
When they were done eating, so Cliff put the tab on the company card and they walked together out of the restaurant, hunger, for food at any rate, sated.

            Vickie thought some more about that night in Middle Yemen.  How had she felt?  What could she share with him?  Silently, she let him into her sedan.

            Finally, as Wondering what she’d find at his home. Whether he’d be professional…or not. The idea of his…not…excited her. And that scared her. As she pulled out, she said, “You’reYou know, I didn’t mean it before, about being afraid of you. I’m not afraid of anyone just rather imposing.  I wouldbecause they’re in a position of authority. But…well, you’re big, you know. I’d imaging most people would find you…intimidating.”

            He laughed.  “Not so very long ago, you could have kicked sand in my face at the beach.”

            What?  “I guess I can’t picture that.”

            “But it’s true.  I was a skinny kid.  Tall, but gangly.  No interest in sports whatsoever.  Turn right here.”

            Vickie realized they were headed toward the park Cliff had taken her to for their picnic.  Did She wondered if he live near there? “When I was inlived nearby. “In my high school, we had jocks, nerds and freaks.  Jocks were brawn without brains, nerds were brains without brawn, and freaks didn’t have either.  Somehow, I can’t see you with the broken glasses and a pocket protectorcomputer.”

            “Oh yes, I would have definitely been a nerd at your school.“But I was. Nothing interested me except for electronic gismos.  Obviously, that did not make me too popular with my peers.”

            “But it“It must have delighted your parents.”  Vickie was starting to wonder just how many more of her preconceptions about[M8] Vickie’s head spun. Yet another Cliff were wrong..

            “Dad was already dead by then.  Mum just despaired of me ever making it in proper society.”

            “I’m sorry.”  Vickie wasn’t sure if she
He shrugged. “It was talking about the loss of his father or the attitude of his mother.

            “You know,a long time ago. I guess that’s part of the reason I hated sports. Dad was always very athletic, and it just got him killed.”

            “Killed?  How?”

            Cliff gave her a series of directions before continuing.  “He was a career serviceman, of course. . Well, he volunteered for every extra assignment that came along, which allowed Mum to live in the style to which she was accustomed to, and got Dad to get out of the house.  And since Dad kept himself in peak physical condition, he was always chosen for the highest‑paid, and coincidentally most dangerous assignments.” He smiled thinly before going on.

            “One day, he volunteered for a peace‑keeping force in the Middle East.  He and his commanding officer were taken hostage the day after he got there.  Dad died helping the officer escape.”

            Could this be why he“He was so callused?[M9] 

            a hero, then.” The directions had taken her into the park.  She stopped, uncertain.  
Cliff looked up from his own thoughts, saw her indecision, and smiled.  ““Go straight. We moved here after that.  Straight.”

            She started forward, and was amazed to see the. The parkway curve, surprisingly, curved into a long driveway, and.
And at the end of the drive stood the most beautiful home she had ever seen.

 [M1]"Vickky was incredulous" tells. Her exclamation "You're eating after this?" tells. Only one is needed.
 [M2]This is a small POV problem. At Vickie's sharp breath is very close to Cliff's POV. Changed to keep it in Vickie's.
 [M3]She knows. One of my early problems was trusting the character as I wrote her to know things.
 [M4]Another effect-before-cause moment. The original was him figuring it out, then asking the what the problem is, then announcing the solution. He needs to ask what the problem is, figure it out (eyes narrow in concentration),  then announce the solution.
 [M5]Except then she does play. Sigh.
 [M6]Pizza almost always deserves a description of a couple good nouns and verbs :)
 [M7]On reread, this seems a little sudden, both in the declaration of love and them being done eating so soon. I backed off, started thm on an innocuous topic, and wrapped the scene with a more reasonable open-time "When they were done eating."
 [M8]Wonder: filter word. Starting: delaying word. Preconceptions: distancing word. All to be avoided unless there's a good reason for them. A darned good reason.
 [M9]Except he isn't, only about Kulinahr.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Hot Chips and Sand 131-135

Hot Chips and Sand
Copyright © 2013 Mary Hughes
All rights reserved


Chapter Nine
On their way out of the building, Vickie’s phone chimed. She pulled it out. “I’ve got a voicemail.” She put it on speaker and played back the message.
It was Tess. “Hey Vickie, you’ll never guess what I just heard on the office grapevine. Not that I ever spread rumors, you understand.” She chuckled evilly. “Since I got this directly from Jerry, and I consider it fact, not rumor.”
Vickie was more hungry than interested in Jerry right then. But her ears perked up at Tess’s next words.
“Mel Pinlow got canned today. Not only did he screw up another big job, but he got a sexual discrimination suit filed against the company because of his idiotic behavior—remember how we used to call him ‘His AssHoliness’?”
Vickie blushed. She felt sorry for Mel and hated to see it happen to anybody, but wasn’t totally surprised. Time wounds all heels. Tess and Phil had been covering for him too long.
“And when I thought about the number of times he cut into you about your professional conduct…” Tess laughed. “Well, I thought you’d like to hear about it.”
“Poor Mel.” Vickie ended the call and put away her phone.
“You feel sorry for that jerk?” Cliff said. “I’d have fired him long before now, or at least put him in rehab training. Or maybe I’d have fired him because he wasn’t very nice to you.”
Vickie stared. Cliff would have fired Mel long ago? She remembered thinking they were two peas in a pod, like‑minded to the point of being twins.
The sudden incongruity between who she’d thought he was and how he was acting slapped her like a laptop to the face. How had she missed this decisive manager, this supportive friend?
Well, maybe she was confused by all the other Cliffs she’d met. The sweet lover at the picnic. In the restaurant, the suave and cool and sophisticated man. The powerful president and CEO of a multi‑million dollar company, telling her on the car ride to his corporate head quarters in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t judge his dealing with a power‑mad dictator. And of course in Middle Yemen, her night in shining armor—or black silk pants. She blushed.
All those Cliffs…if she had been a computer system, she would have had a system overload/abort transaction message about now. As it was Vickie had to consciously reel herself back in. She simply did not have enough information, and she couldn’t trust her fragile heart to anything less than certainty.
And if Cliff was anything, he wasn’t a certainty.
He was eyeing her strangely. Oh yes, and another Cliff, the astute human being. Vickie knew she had to say something. “Well, I don’t like to see anyone get fired, although in this case, I supposed it’s for the best. Maybe Mel will learn something from it.”
“I doubt it. Egos like that seldom learn from experience.”
This she could parry. “Oh? How did you learn so much, then?”
“Repetition.” He smiled cryptically. “Practice.”
“What does that mean?” She was speaking to his back. He’d headed toward yet another strange car. She ran to catch up. “Let’s use my car this time, okay?”
He smiled and followed her to her sedan.
Vickie popped the locks, watched him fold his long frame into the car, fanned herself, then she slid behind the steering wheel. Her faithful sedan started up on the first crank, and she pulled smoothly out of the parking lot.
Cliff amused himself by futzing with the stereo for a while. After he had rejected half a dozen or so stations, she took pity on him and showed him the presets. He hit the first one, liked it, and settled back.
She smiled, a bit ruefully, to herself. Since the episode in the park, Cliff had been the perfect gentleman. Gradually, her feeling of awkwardness around him was subsiding. And without feeling obliged to remind him of his moral duties to Prince Kulinahr, she was really beginning to enjoy his company, to feel comfortable with him. Every day it seemed they found more things they had in common.
Then why did she feel something vital was missing? Something personal?
No. Personal was bad. She should be happy. This was what she was trying to achieve, a good professional relationship. When the project was over they could part with no regrets, no hurt on any side.
A pang hit her chest at the thought of leaving Cliff. No hurt indeed.
Vickie clenched her eyes briefly. Hadn’t she learned anything? Actions said it all. The way Cliff switched turn his passion on and off wasn’t love. It might hurt in the short run but it was better this way. Enjoy the time they had together, then leave. Good business. No regrets.
“Vickie? What’s wrong?”
God, why did he have to be so perceptive? When the Deity did not answer her, she made an attempt to sidetrack him. “Do you think John will ever notice Tess as more than just a friend?” Which was actually quite brilliant. It was close enough to her own truth without revealing her feelings.
“Tess likes John? Really? Why hasn’t she said anything to him?”
“Well, I…I don’t know, but I’d guess she’s afraid to. John’s so attractive, he must have scores of women after him…” Lovesick, one and all. “I imagine Tess just doesn’t want to embarrass herself.”
“Sure, scores of women who aren’t Tess. John would jump at the chance to date her. He hasn’t asked her out because he says she always seems so aloof.”
She’d never been aloof in Cliff’s arms.
“I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned this to him. You’re close friends.”
She and John had shared laughs, drinks, even sundaes. But… “Friends, yes. But never…intimate…friends.”
Cliff’s eyebrow went up. “I know. John would have warned me if you were lovers.”
“Great. So glad we had this little chat.” Did men share everything? Was nothing sacred from locker-room discussions?
Then she turned onto the street for The Pizza Place and could practically smell the spicy sauce and melted mozzarella. As she pulled into a parking space, annoyance and doubts jettisoned in anticipation of a good dinner. She always felt better on a full stomach. She leaped out of her car and hurried toward the restaurant. His reply, something about non‑competition, was lost to her as she flung open the door. The tang of tomato and oregano nearly knocked her off her feet. She left him to plug the parking meter and beckoned to the hostess.
“Your regular table, Vickie?”
She and John and Tess and Belva and the others had come often to this restaurant to talk and relax after a long, hard day’s work. This was a safe place. Vickie smiled. “Yes.”
Cliff entered just in time to receive a lingering once‑over from the hostess. Then they were being led to a secluded booth with a window view of the river.
A college age waiter zoomed up as they seated themselves. “Stuffed spinach pizza and diet cola?”
Cliff rolled his eyes. Before he could snark, Vickie added, “And two orders of cheese garlic bread, Terry.”
When the waiter had gone, Cliff waved at the walls. “This is the real reason you’ve gained weight, isn’t it? Trying to blame those innocent hot fudge sundaes. Tsk, tsk.” He shook his head slowly.
Vickie primly unfolded her paper napkin and placed it on her lap. “Nonsense. The crust is whole wheat, spinach is a marvelous source of several vitamins and minerals, and cheese is a basic food in the milk group.”
“And diet soda?”
“That’s an essential component of a very necessary food group.”
“Which is…?”
“The diet food group. So I can eat more hot fudge sundaes.”
“And brownies.”
“Ha. Fat lot of them I get with you around.”
“You had one just yesterday.”
“We ordered four. I thought I’d have one for later, but you gobbled them up so fast, the one I did manage to grab I nearly got my fingers bitten off.”

Hot Chips and Sand 131-135 Draft Comparison


Hot Chips and Sand
Copyright © 2013 Mary Hughes
All rights reserved



Chapter 9Nine

            On their way out of the building, Vickie’s phone chimed. She pulled it out. “I’ve got a voicemail.” She put it on speaker and played back the message.
It was Tess. “Hey Vickie and Cliff met Phil, coming in to check on a procedure run.  “Hi Vickie, Cliff.”  He stopped.  “Vickie, you’ll never guess what I just heard on [M1] the office grapevine.”  He grinned evilly at Cliff.  “. Not that I ever spread rumors, you understand.  Well, actually.” She chuckled evilly. “Since I talked togot this directly from Jerry, and I consider thatit fact, not rumor.”

            “What happened?”  Vickie was more hungry than interested.  in Jerry Fitzwater was not a good source of juicy gossip, even if he was president of their companyright then. But her ears perked up at Tess’s next words.

            “Mel Pinlow just got canned.  today. Not only did he screw up another big job, but he got a sexual discrimination suit filed against the company because of his idiotic behavior—remember how Iwe used to call him ‘His AssHoliness’?”

            Vickie blushed but. She felt the atavistic thrill of revenge[M2] .  Time wounds all heels, she thought.  “I feel sorry for him, although I can’t say I’m surprised.  I hateMel and hated to see it happen to anybody, but you and wasn’t totally surprised. Time wounds all heels. Tess and Phil had been covering for him too long.”.

            “You too, Vickie.  I heard“And when I thought about the number of times he cut into you andabout your professional conduct.  You, of all people.”  He…” Tess laughed.  “Well, I’d better get on this procedure so I can get home and monitor it with a glass of beer.  Nice seeing you Vickie, CliffI thought you’d like to hear about it.”

            Phil turned to go into the building.  Cliff stood for a moment, watching Vickie thoughtfully.  “Poor Mel.” Vickie ended the call and put away her phone.
“You feel sorry for that jerk Pinlow[M3] ?  ?” Cliff said. “I’d have fired him long before now, or at least put him in rehab training. Or maybe I’d have fired him because he wasn’t very nice to you.”

            Now Vickie turned and stared.

            Cliff would have fired Mel long ago?  She had thoughtremembered thinking they were two peas in a pod, like‑minded to the point of being twins.

            The sudden incongruity between who Vickieshe’d thought Cliffhe was and how he was acting crashed into her like a slushball.  What was going on here?  Who was Cliff, really? slapped her like a laptop to the face. How had she missed this decisive manager, this supportive friend?

            AgainWell, maybe she remembered him in Middle Yemen, her night in shining armor.  Or black silk pants.  She blushed.

            Or was heconfused by all the man inother Cliffs she’d met. The sweet lover at the picnic. In the restaurant, the suave and cool and sophisticated?

            Or the man. The powerful president and CEO of a multi‑million dollar company, telling her on the car ride to his corporate head quarters in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t judge his dealing with a power‑mad dictator?. And of course in Middle Yemen, her night in shining armor—or black silk pants. She blushed.

            Or the casually‑dressed, muscular giant who had made love to her in the park?

            Her mind was whirling, off balance already from Cliff’s companionable attitude the past week, his statement about Mel only delivering another powerful blow[M4] .  IfAll those Cliffs…if she had been a computer system, she would have had a system overload…/abort transaction message about now.

             As it was Vickie had to consciously reel herself back in.  She simply did not have enough information about him, and she couldn’t trust her fragile heart to anything less than certainty.

            And if Cliff was anything, he wasn’t a certainty.

            He was eyeing her strangely. Oh yes, and another Cliff, the astute human being. Vickie knew she had to say something. She remembered her own dismissal, after she couldn’t handle her breakup with Ron.  “Well, I don’t like to see anyone get fired, although in this case, I supposed it’s for the best all around. . Maybe Mel will learn something from it.”

            “I doubt it.  Egos like that seldom learn from experience.”

            This she could parry.  “Oh?  How did you learn so much, then?”

            “Repetition.” He smiled cryptically.  “Practice.”

            Vickie felt there was something underlying“What does that remark, but Cliff was headingmean?” She was speaking to his back. He’d headed toward yet another strange car. She ran to catch up.   “My“Let’s use my car this time, okay?”  
He smiled and followed her to her sedan.

            Vickie openedpopped the passenger side first, waited forlocks[M5] , watched him to fold his long frame into the car, and clicked the door shut.  Thenfanned herself, then she slid behind the steering wheel.  Her faithful sedan started up on the first crank, and she pulled smoothly out of the parking lot.

            Cliff amused himself by futzing with the stereo for a while. After he had rejected half a dozen or so stations, she took pity on him and showed him the presets.  He hit the first one, liked it, and settled back.

            She smiled, a bit ruefully, to herself.  Since the episode in the park, Cliff had been the perfect gentleman.  Gradually, her feeling of awkwardness around him was subsiding.  And without feeling obliged to remind him of his moral duties to Prince Kulinahr, she was really beginning to enjoy his company, to feel comfortable with him.  Every day it seemed they found more things they had in common.  Then why did she feel something vital was missing?
Then why did she feel something vital was missing?
             Something personal?
No. Personal was bad. She should be happy.  This was what she was trying to achieve, right?  Aa good professional relationship.  Then, atWhen the end,project was over they wouldcould part.  No with no regrets, no hurt on any side.
           
            The A pang hit her chest at the thought of parting withleaving Cliff brought a fierce pang in her middle. . No hurt indeed.

            Vickie sighed.  Apparentlyclenched her eyes briefly. Hadn’t she hadn’t learned anything. ? Actions said it all. The way Cliff couldswitched turn his passion on and off like a switch should tell her he didn’twasn’t love her.  He was probably relieved not to have to make love to her.  Without having to become involved, he would get what the business needed from her. [M6] 

            He was happier . It might hurt in the short run but it was better this way.  She was happier this way.  Just enjoyEnjoy the time you havethey had together, Vickie, and then leave.  Good business.  No regrets.

            “Vickie?  Is somethingWhat’s wrong?”

            God, why did he have to be so perceptive?  When the Deity did not answer her, she said to Cliff, “Oh, I was just thinking.”  Then, attempting to side‑trackmade an attempt to sidetrack him, she added,. “Do you think John will ever notice Tess as more than just a friend?”  There.  Close Which was actually quite brilliant. It was close enough to theher own truth without revealing her own feelings.

            Cliff looked thoughtfully at her.  [M7] “You mean “Tess likes John? Really?  She’d like to get involved with him?  Then whyWhy hasn’t she said soanything to him?”

            “Well, I…I guess I don’t know, but really,I’d guess she’s afraid to. John’s so attractive, he must have scores of women after him…” lovesickLovesick, one and all.  “I imagine Tess just doesn’t want to embarrass herself.”  ‘Too near your own truth, Vickie?’[M8] 

            “Scores“Sure, scores of women who aren’t Tess.  John would jump at the chance to date her.  He hasn’t asked her out because he says she always seems so aloof.”

            Not so near.  She had She’d never been aloof in Cliff’s arms.  Just then he turned toward her.

            “I’m surprised he hasn’t discussed it with you, Vickie.  You appear to beyou haven’t mentioned this to him. You’re close friends.”

            Close friends.  She and John had shared laughs, drinks, even sundaes.  But no one was closer to her now than the man at her side.  She would settle that right now.

            But… “Friends, yes.  But never…intimate…friends.”

            Cliff’s eyebrow went up. “I know.  John would have warned me if you two were intimateslovers.”

            “Great. So glad we had this little chat.” Did men share everything?  Was nothing sacred from locker‑ -room discussions?  “Well, good.  That relieves my mind on that score,” she said wryly as
Then she turned onto the street for The Pizza Place and could practically smell the spicy sauce and melted mozzarella. As she pulled into a parking space.  She pushed the irritation, annoyance and doubts away, replacing them with the jettisoned in anticipation of a good dinner.  YouShe always feelfelt better on a full stomach.

            She leaped out of her car and hurried toward the restaurant. His reply, something about non‑competition, was lost to her as she got out offlung open the car.  She took a deep breath. door[M9] . The spicy scenttang of tomatoestomato and melted mozzarella luredoregano nearly knocked her forward.  Vickie off her feet. She left Cliffhim to plug the parking meter and beckoned to the hostess.
“Your regular table, Vickie?” . 
She and John and Tess and JuneBelva and the others had come often to this restaurant  to talk and relax after a long, hard day’s work. This was a safe place. Vickie smiled. “Yes.”

            This was a safe place.  Vickie felt her attitude strengthening and stabilizing.

            Inside, she beckoned to the hostess.  Cliff entered just in time to hear, “Your regular table, Vickie?” and receive a lingering once‑over from the hostess.  Then they were being led to a secluded booth with a window view of the local river.

            A waiter, college age, came over waiter zoomed up as they seated themselves.  “Stuffed spinach pizza and diet cola tonight, Vickie?” he asked.  ?”
Cliff rolled his eyes.  Before he could say somethingsnark, Vickie added, “And two orders of cheese garlic bread, Terry.”

            When the waiter had gone, Cliff waved at the walls.  “This is the real reason you’ve gained weight, isn’t it?  Trying to blame those innocent hot fudge sundaes.  Tsk, tsk.”  He shook his head slowly.

            Vickie primly unfolded her paper napkin and placed it on her lap.  “Nonsense.  The crust is whole wheat, spinach is a marvelous source of several vitamins and minerals, and cheese is a basic food in the milk group.”

            “And diet soda?”

            “That’s an essential component of a very necessary food group.”

            “Which is…?”

            “The diet food group.  So I can eat more hot fudge sundaes.”

            “And brownies.”

            “Ha.  Fat lot of them I get with you around.”

            “You had one just yesterday.”[M10] 

            “We ordered four.  I thought I was going toI’d have one for later, but you gobbled them up so fast, the one I did manage to grab I nearly got my fingers bitten off for the one I did grab.”

 [M1]This made no sense from two standpoints. First, as a senior manager Phil wouldn't have been gossiping. Second, he wouldn't have come in at 9 at night to check a process. These days the cool kids have VPNs and net in. So I changed from a face-to-face meeting with Phil to a phone message from Tess.
 [M2]Whether she would have felt the Schadenfreude or not, it doesn't make her a sympathetic character to admit it :)
 [M3]A recent round of Biting Love edits made me aware I use names in dialogue far too much. Thank you Christa :)
 [M4]Early on I showed something, and then just to be sure I got the point across, I explained it too. Both showing and telling are rarely needed.
 [M5]Ah, the days before keyless entry.
 [M6]I also re-explained the plot ad nauseum.
 [M7]While this is perfectly valid, I'm coming around to the idea that stuff like this is superfluous. Knowing looks, thoughtful looks, are all variations on the beat, and kinda worn. I'm deleting many these days. Next step is to come up with a fresh replacement :)
 [M8]again, repeating the obvious :)
 [M9]Again, one of my early problems was putting events in order. I knew what was about to happen and so it seemed perfectly logical for his reply to be lost to her AS SHE WALKS AWAY. But in reality that sentence is experiences as His reply is lost to her...what? WHY? Oh, yeah, she's walking away. The solution is simply to put the events in the order they occur. She walks away, so his reply is lost to her.
 [M10]But I did do some things right from the start! I luvs some nice banter :D