Copyright © 2013 Mary Hughes
All rights reserved
As
Vickie helped a wounded Cliff back to the car (they had taken the red sports
car today) she suddenly realized[M1] what ) the manager
had said. manager’s words echoed in her head. Your wife. It had sounded so natural, she
hadshe’d hardly noticed at the time. ‘Grow up Vickie. It’s not natural unless you have She
glanced at her left hand, wondering what a ring on
your finger.’would look like there.
What
Cliff’s ring would look like there.
“You’ll
have to drive.” He handed her the keys, his lips thinned and clamped together.
She
fussed getting him settled in the passenger seat. “We should have
gotten that leg in cold water, right away.”
“It’s
all right. We’re close to home. I have some first aid things there. You
remember the way, right?”
She flooded
the engine, so she had to pushher
foot on the accelerator pedal towhen
she turned the floor. Then
it started, roaringkey. The car roared
to life so suddenly she pulled her foot immediately off the pedals, both [M3] accelerator. and clutch. The engine coughed
and died. Cliff muttered something about really being in pain now, but merely
smiled at her when she looked at him. A thinShe pushed in the
clutch and tried again. His smile was thin,
but she wasn’t going to be picky while she was fighting with this miserable
machine. They would have taken her car, but she had been floating in the
afterglow of…the engine hummed into life.
Surprised,
but pretending not to be, Vickie pulled out into traffic. Cliff was strangely
quiet. She found out the reason when they had gotten to his bathroom, just off
the master bedroom. TheHe grabbed a yellow and
white tube of ointment from the closet, then closed the lid of the toilet
before dropping his trousers to sit.
“Oh,
Cliff!” she exclaimed.
He
gritted his teeth and fumbled with a small tube. “Wait until I get this damn
anesthetic ointment on. Then I can properly appreciate your sympathy.”
She
grabbed the tube away from him and expertly opened[M5] , twisted it open and
began smoothing ointment over the burn. “Just like my baby brother,” she
murmured.
Cliff
sighed appreciatively,, closed his eyes
and relaxed against the tank. “That feels good.”
“It’s
a
pretty nasty burn. . Maybe
I’d better take you to the emergency room.”
He
opened one eye on her. “Not in the coupe.”
“The
leg will heal. Besides, the pain is gone, thanks to that anesthetic. See? Perfectly
numb.” He pinched the reddened skin idly.
He
leaped up. “Now, Vickie, let’s not be hasty.” He edged back toward
the door.
She pursued
him, backingbacked him into the bedroom. “Cliff,
I’m just concerned. Bad burns can become infected, you know,
unless they’re properly taken care of.”
She
swallowed. “Well,. I guess
you’ll just have to lie down on the examining
table without it. .”
She waved at the bed. “I’m a busy doctor you know. Don’t have time
to wait for restocking.”
He
obliged, stretching his big frame completely out on the bed. She Muscles bunched and
stretched under his sleek skin as he folded his hands behind his head. She closed
her eyes briefly as pure desire shimmered through her. Then she swallowed
again, opened her eyes, and climbed uponto
the bed next to him.
“Now
let’s see. First I need to check your respiration. Breathe for me.” She lowered
her mouth onto his, concentrating on the silky feelthe
silk of his lips under . He gently rubbed his
mouth against hers. When she touched She
licked his lower lip with the tip of her tongue, and he
made a feral sound deep in his throat.
“Now
your heartbeat.” She placed her palm on one side of his chest, only half‑covering
his massive pectoral. She used her lips on the other, kissing his smooth, taut
skin. When she reached his nipple, she used her tongue ontongued
it, as he had done to her, teasing it,
then closing her lips around it, hard. He
groaned more loudly at that, exciting her.
“Well, your respiration. His louder groan
echoed inside her. “Respiration and pulse are healthy,” she murmured, kissing.”
She kissed the underside of his heavy chest. “Let’s see about that
abdomen.”
She
wiped the resther hands clean
of the anesthetic ointment on the edge of the bed covers,
andsheet, then used both hands to explore
the tense hardness of his flat belly. She ran her fingers over the dark ridge
of hair, tracing it downward from his navel. Then she brushed her lips against
that hair, feeling it tickle. It tickled.
“Doctor,”
he whispered. “I think you’re a bit overdressed for this examination.”
“Why,
so I am.” She got up off the bed. Remembering the lip-licking
vision of his slowly‑emerging chest when he had stripped
offstripping his shirt, she took her time
about
opening the buttons on hers, teasing him with a partial view of
her frontcleavage,
then turning when it was time to unhook her bra. She gratefully pulled off her
shoes and pantyhose, then slid her skirt a little more sensually down her hips.
She turned back to him, holding her arm across her breasts and looking at him a
bit shyly. After all, Ron had never let her do this. Cliff’s eyes were burning.
Cliff’s
eyes were burning.
She kissed
his mouth, throat and chest until her own groin
throbbed. Then,
awkwardly, she Then she moved down, kissing his neck and throat,
then his gorgeous chest, tasting his skin, the scent of sandalwood and man and
the heat of his body pushing her farther, faster, until the ache hammered at
her. She raised herself on her knees over him and nodded back toward his hips.
“You need to lose the shorts.”
“Yes, Doctor. Right
away Doctor.” He slid his hands between them and curled his legs and with a
lithe yank got naked. Then he laid flat again.
She straddled
his hips., awkwardly because Ron
usually insisted on missionary.
He
groaned deep, eyes clenched in his chest, sending apleasure.
A thrill washed through her. Ron had never, neverever
let her do this. Cliff not only let her, he seemed to be enjoying
it.
She
set her own rhythm, pleaseddelighted when
Cliff matched it exactly.
Then thrust upward in a perfect synch.
She dissolved intoin
pleasure. Unwittingly,Her
legs melted and she sat down on him, pushing him all the way
in. Shesheathing him completely.
When he hit bottom she gasped, her thighs clutch ingclutching
him involuntarily.
.
He called her name, releasingand
shuddered his release into her, shuddering. .
They trembled together as pleasure coursed like cleansing fire through
Vickie’s veins.
The last shudders left
her. Heart pounding in her ears, a while longer, then Vickie
relaxed onto hisCliff’s big
body, not breaking their contact. .
Slowly, hisher breathing
steadied. His had already slowed. Lulled by the
gentle rise and fall of the chest under her, Vickieshe
slept.[M10]
[M1]Realized--a
filter word, which distances the reader. Better to be in her head with her
actual realization.
[M2]was
is a weak verb, especially with what's going on here. Then, the rather clinical
word "concern" exacerbated by a -ly word doesn't work for her being
scared and worried. Toss is a much better word. This really ought to also be
accompanied by the sensation of being worried, heart pounding or some such.
[M3]Cars
are ever so much better built these days. I'll lhave to pick a sports car to
get this passage right. Some don't have clutch pedals any more.
[M4]He
suddenly appears sitting. I thought I should specifically seat him.
[M5]-ly
opened is weak. Twisted is a nice strong verb :)
[M6]The
dreaded POV slip. We've been in Vickie's head. But unless we see it on his
face, we can't know Cliff is interested.
[M7]I've
been doing a lot of raised and cocked eyebrows lately. Trying to mix it up.
[M8]This
whole sex scene was a lot of filter words and action, without enough experiencing
through the senses. I added some taste and smell. I could do even more with
experiencing how Vickie is hearing and feeling her breathing, which should be
increasing, and her heart pounding, etc.
[M9]This
was far, far too fast in current hot scene writing. I'll probably extend it
even more for the final version.
[M10]The
final run to climax and moment of orgasm also was glossed over too quickly. I
would have done even more but the WisRWA convention starts tomorrow (as of this
editing) and I have preparations to make. Even art sometimes is on a clock :)
