Copyright © 2013 Mary Hughes
All rights reserved
As Vickie helped a wounded Cliff back to the car (they had taken the red sports car
today) she suddenly realized[M1] what the manager
had said. Your wife. It had sounded so natural, she
had hardly noticed at the time. ‘Grow up Vickie. It’s not natural unless you have a ring on
“You’ll have to drive.” He handed her the keys, his lips thinned and clamped together.
should have gotten that leg in cold water
, right away.”
“It’s all right. We’re close to home. I have some first aid things there. You remember the way, right?”
the engine, so she had to push the accelerator pedal to the floor. Then
it started, roaring
to life so suddenly she pulled her foot immediately off the [M3] accelerator . The engine coughed
and died. Cliff muttered something about really being in pain now, but merely
smiled at her when she looked at him. A thin smile,
but she wasn’t going to be picky while she was fighting with this miserable
machine. They would have taken her car, but she had been floating in the
afterglow of…the engine hummed into life.
Surprised, but pretending not to be, Vickie pulled out into traffic. Cliff was strangely quiet. She found out the reason when they had gotten to his bathroom, just off the master bedroom.
mark was livid.[M4]
He gritted his teeth and fumbled with a small tube. “Wait until I get this damn anesthetic ointment on. Then I can properly appreciate your sympathy.”
She grabbed the tube away from him
and expertly opened[M5] it and
began smoothing ointment over the burn. “Just like my baby brother,” she
and relaxed against the tank. “That feels good.”
pretty nasty burn. Maybe
I’d better take you to the emergency room.”
“Not in the coupe.”
“The leg will heal. Besides, the pain is gone, thanks to that anesthetic. See? Perfectly numb.” He pinched the reddened skin idly.
He leaped up. “Now, Vickie, let’s not be hasty.” He edged
him, backing him into the bedroom. “Cliff,
I’m just concerned. Bad burns can become infected , you know,
unless they’re properly taken care of.”
you’ll just have to lie down on the examining
table without it . I’m a busy doctor you know. Don’t have time
to wait for restocking.”
He obliged, stretching his big frame completely out on the bed.
She climbed up next to him.
“Now let’s see. First I need to check your respiration. Breathe for me.” She lowered her mouth onto
his, concentrating on the silky feel of his lips under hers. When she touched his lower lip with the tip of her tongue, he
made a sound deep in his throat.
“Now your heartbeat.” She placed her palm on one side of his chest, only half‑covering his massive pectoral. She used her lips on the other, kissing his smooth, taut skin. When she reached his nipple, she
used her tongue on
it , as he had done to her, teasing it,
then closing her lips around it , hard. He
groaned more loudly at that, exciting her.
“Well, your respiration and pulse are healthy ,” she murmured, kissing the underside of his heavy chest. “Let’s see about that
of the anesthetic ointment on the edge of the bed covers,
and used both hands to explore
the tense hardness of his flat belly. She ran her fingers over the dark ridge
of hair, tracing it downward from his navel. Then she brushed her lips against
that hair , feeling it tickle.
“Doctor,” he whispered. “I think you’re a bit overdressed for this examination.”
She got up off the bed. Remembering the vision of his slowly‑emerging chest
when he had stripped
off his shirt, she took her time
opening the buttons on hers, teasing him with a partial view of
then turning when it was time to unhook her bra. She gratefully pulled off her
shoes and pantyhose, then slid her skirt a little more sensually down her hips.
She turned back to him, holding her arm across her breasts and looking at him a
bit shyly. After all, Ron had never let her do this. Cliff’s eyes were burning.
to the bed and kissed him for
a long time. He lifted his head off the pillow
and opened his mouth to her, but did not use his hands at all.
Drawn in by his heat, she explored inside his sweet mouth
with her small tongue , her desire overcoming
her shyness. She wrapped her arms behind
his head, pulling him to her. She
kissed his mouth
, throat and chest until her own groin
straddled his hips
He groaned deep in
his chest, sending a thrill through her. Ron had never, never
let her do this.
She set her own rhythm,
Cliff matched it exactly.
a moan escaped her lips
as he grabbed her hips and began thrusting up into her, not
altering her pace, but doubling the impact of her own movement. She
gripped his huge shoulders, arching her back and
pushing harder. Then he reached between her thighs
and added pressure to
her most sensitive spot.
pleasure. Unwittingly, she sat down on him, pushing him all the way
in. She gasped, her thighs clutch ing
He called her name,
releasing into her , shuddering.
They trembled together
while longer, then Vickie
relaxed onto his big
body , not breaking their contact.
Slowly, his breathing
steadied. Lulled by the
gentle rise and fall of the chest under her, Vickie
[M1]Realized--a filter word, which distances the reader. Better to be in her head with her actual realization.
[M2]was is a weak verb, especially with what's going on here. Then, the rather clinical word "concern" exacerbated by a -ly word doesn't work for her being scared and worried. Toss is a much better word. This really ought to also be accompanied by the sensation of being worried, heart pounding or some such.
[M3]Cars are ever so much better built these days. I'll lhave to pick a sports car to get this passage right. Some don't have clutch pedals any more.
[M6]The dreaded POV slip. We've been in Vickie's head. But unless we see it on his face, we can't know Cliff is interested.
[M8]This whole sex scene was a lot of filter words and action, without enough experiencing through the senses. I added some taste and smell. I could do even more with experiencing how Vickie is hearing and feeling her breathing, which should be increasing, and her heart pounding, etc.
[M9]This was far, far too fast in current hot scene writing. I'll probably extend it even more for the final version.
[M10]The final run to climax and moment of orgasm also was glossed over too quickly. I would have done even more but the WisRWA convention starts tomorrow (as of this editing) and I have preparations to make. Even art sometimes is on a clock :)